• December 06, 2019

DON’T BOTHER COMING BACK ONCE YOU WALK AWAY

I know that you think that you can do whatever you want and that I will always accept you when you come to ask for forgiveness. This time I have had enough! This time, I quit on you. I quit on us and all that we’ve represented. I can’t take it like this anymore. I can’t tell you that you are hurting me and seeing you doing the same thing the next day.

I can’t watch how you don’t give a damn about me and I can’t stand you not loving me. Understand me and go. If you have at least a little bit of dignity, don’t try to win me back. Just leave me alone and find your happiness in another place. Because it is obvious that your happiness is not with me. So, even if you think that I am just pissed off right now and that I will calm down soon, just know that things won’t happen like you wish them to happen. This time, I don’t want you anymore. This time I don’t want to feel like crap even if we reconcile, knowing that you will do the same shit to me again. This time, I’ve decided to put a full stop to what we have.

I finally want to break free from you. I want to be the old me, the happy girl who just wanted to enjoy life. And I swear I will bring my life back. I swear that I will bring the positivity to my life again and that I will smile again one day. I won’t feel so anxious and depressed because of you. I won’t wait at the front door to see if you will come home after we have a fight. I won’t smell your shirts to see if there is a woman’s perfume on them. I won’t be paranoid anymore because that is not a life I deserve. I deserve a man who will never make me question my self-worth. I want a man who will think that I am amazing just the way I am and who won’t flirt with other girls in front of me.

I want someone I can rely on, someone who understands when I am a complete mess and the one who will laugh with me when I am happy. I want someone who will be my whole world and whom I won’t be afraid to call that. I want a man whose love feels like home. But unfortunately, you are not a man like that. You are totally the opposite, but too bad that I found out that too late. It was too late because I was already hooked on you. I was already lost over a man I was madly in love with. I was crazy in love with the man who couldn’t care less for me. And that feeling will haunt me forever.

So, if you think that this time I will behave like I always did, you are so wrong. I don’t want you to make a fool out of me anymore. I don’t want to be the puppet you will manipulate every time you want. This time, I put myself first. I refuse to feel like shit over a man I love the most.

Whatever you do, won’t bring me back. Whatever you say won’t change anything. You have always been leaving me like I was nothing, but this time, I am leaving you. And I am not looking back.

To be honest, there is nothing to look back for. There is no love anymore. There is just hatred left. There is no positivity anymore. There is just pain left. And that is not life I want for myself. I want something else because I know I deserve it.

So, if you ever loved me just a little bit, please don’t bother coming back and believe me when I say it is over. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t need you to take care of me. I am a big girl now and I can take care of myself pretty well. I wish you all the luck in the world but far away from me.

And I hope that one day I will find my happiness far away from you. I hope that once I forget all about you, when I heal, that I will be able to open my heart for someone else. And I hope that God will send me a man who deserves me and who will give me the love that you never knew how.

So, ‘dear love of my life’, thank you for hurting me so many times because I learned how to stand up and fight for myself. Thank you for not loving me because you gave another man a chance to do so. And most of all, thank you for letting me go.

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